This Thing That Happened: My Fallen Leaf

A little over a month ago I was 20 weeks pregnant with my third child, today I am not. Internally I have debated as to 'where' to place the thoughts and musings of my heart on this topic. Since this old blog is a little place that is solely mine, it feels appropriate to let cyberspace become my catharsis and unload some of my latest, and most sentimental work here.

Miscarriage and stillbirth are statistically common. Having now experienced my own pregnancy loss I wonder how all these women have walked around me silently coping, moving forward, unseen. I look in the eyes of those that have shared their own stories with me and I see the past that still lingers in their heart and the maturity and solemn strength that has been infused into their character. I see these silent mothers all around me, and my heart wants to touch their heart and say things to them that I can't put into words, things that only hearts know how to say.

I labored with that baby boy, just as I had labored with my first two children, but this time as each contraction passed I watched an imagined dream slip away, his name, his smile, his first steps, his place in our family, his little image in the family pictures that I was planning for the Summer, his presence in my life, gone, no longer to be. Suddenly there was no need to spend hours scouring thrift stores for a crib, or for upgrading to a minivan, there was suddenly no reason at all for anything I had been planning. It was empty labor, purposeless to the core.

His whole body fit in my hand. I knew his spirit had moved along sometime before, that this miraculous little body was all that remained of the child I had imagined would be ours in 20 more weeks. Ten toes and ten fingers so very small. I am so grateful I was able to hold him, to bring closure to the circumstance, to say goodbye, for now.

Outside my door at the hospital a symbol was placed that alerted those entering my room as to what 'type' of patient I was. The image was a fallen leaf with a single teardrop on it. I didn't realize it was there until the end of my stay when it was given to me with my discharge paperwork. For days after leaving the hosptial I would look at that picture and remember my little angel baby's tiny body and let a few of my own tears fall.

I created these images to represent my experience, to show gratitude towards the wonderful staff that cared for me at the hospital, to celebrate the silent mothers in this world, and mostly to remember my little one, who one day I will see again.

And so my life moves on in hope, and peace.

Life is not ever what we plan it to be, it is strangely unpredictable, and always, when you think that you have got yourself figured out, and your goals aligned, Life will force you down a path that you had not anticipated.

Life, I have learned, is more about the winding paths and uncharted territories, than the road we so clearly see before us. Life is all about change.

(I hope these images can be used to bring hope and inspiration to those in need. They are available for personal use only, it would be a copyright violation to use them for business purposes, mass production, or other non-personal endeavors)

I am grateful at this time for my belief in God and Eternal Families. To learn more about my beliefs visit The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints Websites Here or Here.  

Dedicated to . . . .

This photograph is dedicated to my friend who made this beautiful mini-cupcake (along with 69 others). She volunteered to make these for my husbands 30th birthday party. I made the toppers, obviously my skills are more 2 dimensional than hers :) It's my husband's baby pictures and the cupcakes are a "black and white, dark chocolate, vanilla icing combo" they are downright addicting.

Dedicated to. . .

This photo is dedicated to a special family that has lived in, and served, our community for the past several years. They are moving on and we will feel the loss deeply. We know that wherever they go they will lift those around them to a higher level.

Hiding Places

Merry Christmas: Self Portrait and Christmas Tree

me


Santa is my son's favorite ornament this year


and I love these handmade crochet snowflakes that my aunt gave our family several years ago. I love to look at their intricacy and am amazed at the skill that went into creating them.


our little tree in our little house


Merry Christmas!

Pretty Pretty Fall is Here

I took these while waiting for a family for a session up American Fork Canyon. Love the color: This is by far my favorite season. And is it just me, or this an exceptionally pretty fall?

Trendography Prints for Kids: Utah Product Photography

A Little Product Photography of one of my favorite products: Trendography Prints

These are the coolest kid-friendly art prints around. As a former teacher of young children I adore how these prints incorporate symbols (word, letters, shapes, and numbers) and bright colors to create an enriching art piece. The prints are sufficiently interesting for children and yet not 'overstimulating.' They help create a print rich environment in your home for fostering early literacy skills. And besides that. . . they are super fun and stylin'




And for us adults that need to get organized. . .these prints, framed or laminated are simply genius:




My current favorite print:



And besides the fact that these prints are uber-awesome on many levels. Wendy, the designer behind them is one of the most talented and generous people I have ever met. I love working with/and learning from her.

Tuesday Tip: Solitary Confinement, For Your Pets

This has been a busy few weeks:

Planting our garden
Blake is in Organic Chemistry
and also working WAY too many crazy shifts
J is getting married, tomorrow.
. . .

So here is a quick Tuesday Tip I have been saving for a night when I just don't have a lot of time to write :)

This tip is for those of us who own and love pets, but it works particularly well for dogs (not so much cats). I call it: Solitary Confinement--> sounds meaner than it is.

My dog is a busy one and getting her to hold still by my north facing window is a T-R-I-A-L. So I like to stick her on a table.

that's right, A TABLE! (this one from IKEA)

The table is just tall enough that she can't jump down, wide enough that it is safe for her, and sturdy enough that it won't fall.

In this solitary space---SHE IS MOMENTARILY STALLED!

I do this so she can't really go anywhere else, or be busily sniffing my camera lens. I also like it because I can say her name and she looks right at me (with an expression that says: my mamma has gone nuts).

I have used this isolation trick on mobile, busy children too. If you give them a defined space to 'play' where they can't escape from you, then you have a better chance of capturing a realistic, happy, playful image of them.

NO, I have not put a child on a table from IKEA (it's too small) but I have put a child in a bucket, on a raised crate thing, on a desk etc. . .

And obviously this little tip would not work on a Great Dane, but I bet you could apply the principle and find a nice truck bed to place your giant dog in. At least for a couple shots!

Happy Tuesday Evening!

Enter this current giveaway and then go to bed and get some rest!

Tuesday Tip: Repetition in Photography

Did you know that Easter is just around the corner? I realized it when I went to Wal-Mart (yes, I HATE that store, but I just keep going back to make sure that I REALLY hate it) and saw the 'peeps' on the first isle. I do love the peeps.

OK. . . here are some non-Wal mart images to get us into the Easter spirit and also to introduce our Tuesday Tip :)



I read an interview with a photographer who specializes in travel photography, but also shoots weddings. He made a comment that went something like this, "Beginning photographers should build their style and creativity by looking at the world around them for inspiration, not 10 other photographer's blogs." Those were not his exact words, but you get my drift. It made me think. I don't have a lot of time to look at blogs right now anyway (I do have my favorites) but I could certainly start looking at the world around me more carefully.

One thing that I have noticed (and we all have), is that the world is full of repetition. And guess what? We LIKE it! When I taught young children, this fact quickly became apparent. Young children LOVE repetition, they like to have the same food, stories, and routines. They love a bag of identical buttons, magnets, or balls. They love collections of 'like objects.' They also like patterns. In my classroom every first grader given a bunch of colored M&M's (forbidden to eat them) would automatically put them into color groups, make them into pattern trains, or otherwise sort them into some type of repetitive formation.

In a lot of ways I feel that even as adults we are programmed to be drawn to patterns and repetition. A group of eggs is good example of a repeated organic shape found in nature. These egg pictures remind me of new beginnings, rebirth, and simplicity (very Easter-ly).

Besides taking pictures of repetitive objects in nature or in the world it's fun to use this concept when photographing people. Your subject will often really pop-out when placed in front of a bold geometric pattern such as a brick wall.
Stairs are a great repetitive element.


Or you can line up your people into a 'repetitive people line'

Some other places that I have found offer great repetition are: bleachers, fences, bridges, trees planted in a row, architectural elements like arches and windows, and everyday things like cars, candy, and EGGS!

I use repetition a lot. I mean a lot. It is an easy way to catch a viewers eye, and add a bit of order and purpose to your images.

P.S. These pretty (and tasty) eggs were provided courtesy of Cheryl. Who is awesome, and has her own chicken coop in her backyard. Thank you Cheryl (did I spell that right?) I really enjoyed photographing, and eating them. Is that weird that I think food is pretty enough to photograph? maybe so . . . oh well.

Trendography: Utah Product Photography

This shoot was for a friend of mine who creates and sells kid-friendly graphic art. I have her work in both of my children's rooms and I love the bright colors and bold designs that she uses. I think her work speaks for itself, but in my opinion it is modern, fun, trendy, sleek, simple and UBER-COOL. The thing I like most about it (being a former first grade teacher) is that it truly appeals to children and often incorporates letters and numbers into and artistic design. I'll have to post some pictures of my kiddos rooms so you can see how I've used Trendography art in my own house. You should check out her Blog, Etsy, and Overstock.com sites.

I will miss the flowers

I will so miss the flowers that Blake brings home from his floral design class. The semester is almost over :( Here is a bridal bouquet he made a few days ago. I love the orange and purple color scheme.

P.S. went to the most charming reception tonight. can't wait to post about it. Here's one teaser though. . .



OK, wait. 2 teasers:



Sigh.

Sneak Peak: Utah Photographer

This is just a tid bit of a recent product shoot. I will post a bit more from this shoot in the next few days :)